Ah, strange to be in here.

Thought it would be Common Courtesy to give everyone the announcement.

Do I dare?

I do.

I'm shandygaff.

Round and round we go. Come with?

I'm so far out of the loop now that I don't think I can ever get back in.

It made me sad, and then I realized I don't care.

Nothing to see here, move on, move on....

Hey

I'm going to be in the Asheville, NC area visiting my parents from March 7-17! Mmmm warm weather, pretty mountains.... warm weather... warm weather....

Don't some of you live in that area?

I was going to be staying right IN Asheville, but just last week my parents moved to some small town 30 miles away. Damn. Now I can't walk around and amuse myself during the day. Instead I'll be apartment-sitting.... fun.

I suppose I could wander around in the wilderness, but that might not be such a good idea alone in a place I've never been before.... and I still can't seem to grok the concept of dangerous insects and animals. Maine and New Hampshire have spoiled me for all other wildernesses.

Dude, we're getting a Dell.




No seriously. We just ordered one online.

One more day left!!! Four hours left, actually... assuming I can get the last of my requirements in before then. It's going to be close.

But basically, I'm back... kinda. Not so into the lj thing though. I think I have enough to do at luminaery.com for the moment. When I'm done getting up to date there, I might make my reappearance at lj. Or not. Who can tell. I feel so disassociated now.

Temperature -2 °F / -19 °C
Windchill -18 °F / -28 °C


Yeah.

Someone at school today said I remind her of Avril. Can someone explain what this means to me? I know she's a singer and she did that skater boy song but that's about as far as my knowledge extends. I don't really follow the pop scene all that well.

An actual update!

Two weeks of school left. Finally helped Nana move into the trailer last weekend. PMSing right now with raging acne outbreak to prove it, and got extremely upset when I realized that the lunch I bought with my dwindling dollars and then couldnt finish because we only have 1/2 hour for lunch so I saved for supper tonight... anyways I was really upset tonight when I got home and realized that I left it at school. No, I didn't leave it in the school fridge, THAT is what a normal person would do. I actually REMEMBERED to bring it out front where we set our stuff while we wait in line to clock out. THEN I forgot it. So it is sitting on a manicure table and I'll probably get in trouble for leaving it out there and it has my name written in BIG LETTERS right on top of it so there's no mistaking who the idiot is. So not only did I waste money and good food (and I mean GOOD... this stuff was REALLY GOOD FOOD) but I also might get in trouble and I feel stupid and frustrated for being so FORGETFUL yet again. GRRR! Stupid hormones. If this happened a week earlier or later I probably wouldn't feel nearly as bad, though I always do hate wasting good food and money. Instead my stupid woman body and stupid woman brain are going all spazoid on me and I feel like crying over some damn fried haddock and a cheesecake brownie. The stupid estrogen levels make me bitch more too, and I hate being a whiner. But I sound like a whiner when I say that. Damn wimmin! Damn all the wimmin that ever was!

I don't even know whats happening with Luminaery.com. I thought it could handle my absence but things seem to be limping. Did I say this already? I can't remember. I am always doing at least 5 different things at the same time recently and I get extra confused. The PMS doesn't help. Ok I'm sorry, I'll shut up about the Ee-pay Em-way Ess-way. (I am of the w-vowel dialect of Pig Latin).

Whatever. I don't talk to any of you anymore. I hope no one has taken offense to this. I have enough to worry about right now. Whatever.

Oh, and I realize now that that entry was rather unhappy-sounding. I actually am in very good spirits at the moment, if only because I'm not feverish for the first time in days and finally have full control of my stomach. Who wouldn't be happy, with that?!

What's good food for recovering stomachs? I managed yesterday with two meals of cream of rice, and about 8 oyster crackers (you know, the little hexagonal saltines). I'm really hungry now but I tremble in fear when I think of throwing up anymore. I swear, by the end there was nothing left to throw up but my own anus, which would have then rendered me inside-out. Which might have been kind of a neat party trick.

This past week, in brief:

*Panic attack and nervous breakdown
*Private counseling from school director
*Parents arrive from Asheville, NC
*I get sick on the same day
*I am delirious through the holidays
*I miss two days of school
*I spend all Thursday night emptying my stomach into the toilet and crying to God to just kill me, dont go to sleep until 8 AM
*Parents go back home
*I finally get better the day after they leave.

Well, that's my past week and a half. How are you?

As always, life moves on without me. Internet life is strange in that it allows you to form connections with people you've actually never met. Because you have never met them, these people can more easily present what they want you to see and hide what they dont, and you can do the same with them. Not only that, but if you completely disappear from the internet, you are not missed as deeply or meaningfully as if you disappeared from their, er, real lives.

Maybe I'm being a cynic... I don't really like to think of myself as one. But I've always kept a practical mind about the internet. I value many friendships I've made here. But I don't pretend they are the same as a REAL LIFE friendship. How can they be, when you can't hold a person's hand, hug them when they cry, look them in the eye and tell them how much they mean to you. We have a long evolutionary history, and 98% of it has been spent in small social groups where we all knew eachother and were mostly related. How can we imagine to overcome evolution all at once? You need that real-life touch.

I love the internet for research. That's how the social aspect first drew me in: a chance to debate and learn more about people and views in a time where I didn't have access to such real-life debate.

Anyways, I'm just rambling. Some people get very defensive about their internet relationships, so I'm not even sure why I'm saying all this because I always get hell for it. I don't mean to personally offend anyone. Maybe all you need is internet socialization. It's very important, I agree. You can't meet people in real life the way you do online. But I need REAL people, and unfortunately most of you I cannot see in real life (but Aimee we still must go camping!!!!)

Every time I leave here for some time, I realize just how much else there is going on and how much people on here dont really need me. Even the people that claim to be close are just too busy with REAL life to much notice my absence, I think, and that's as it should be.


Sara, I got your card!! Thanks so much hon, it is goh-geous!!!! Aimee, there is an Aimee in my nail tech class! Here I was thinking your parents were the only ones with that spelling. Can you email me your address again so I can send you some things, because I am hopelessly inept and have lost it again.

I'm going to go find something for supper now before my stomach knots into something I can't untie. Happy holidays everyone!

Wow, it's weird using the internet only on weekends.

I could use it at Marc's house when I get home from school, but I know the lure and I know that I wouldn't be able to use it just for 30 minutes at a time. Damn you internet and your seductive siren's call.

So, I successfully made it through my first week of school. The class is nine women, almost all of them over 30, married, with children. The two that aren't over 30 are still married.

I have eased into my usual role as the 'little whacky cheerful one'. I don't try, it just happens. I think I clinched it when we did pedicures for the first time and I spontaneously broke into the Happy Toe Dance.

With a test a day, it's been harrowing but not as bad as I expected. The stressful part is next week: we are set loose on actual customers. After only one week of school, can you believe it? I feel sorry for the clients because none of us have any fucking clue what we're doing. I'm trying very hard not to be terrified. I miss my mala. I remember I didn't use to stress as easily when I had beads and a prayer.

I'm back at Nana's now for the weekend. I am trying not to think about Monday at all and just remember that there are eight other girls who are going to be going out there for the first time too, and they're all as nervous as me (we've made jokes about keeping a puke bucket handy, and I'm pretty sure Yvette is going to have a stroke the first day).

The weekend should be for relaxing, but unfortunately I have too much to do. So instead I have to work work work all weekend! I need to get a few venuseffect panels done, I feel terrible I missed this week's. I have to work on luminaery.com because it really does need some work. I have to make some more products for the store. I have to add content to the front page. I have to make more christmas presents.

Augh!

Thank Cheesus for The Two Towers. I don't know how I'd make it through the week without that to look forward to on Wednesday.

Well I must check email. Cheers!

Date:	Dec 8th 1.50
Subject:	There Is No I In Teamwork
Security:	Public
Mood:	bitchy

*Is not pleased*

But then, when has my being pleased ever been important? It isn't, really.

This is why I like to work alone. No one else will bow to my superior knowledge. *snort* Other people create too many factors, and everyone has their own interests that throw various wrenches in the works. Teamwork is overrated, really. The bible even says so. See what Moses had to put up with? No respect, I tell you.

I want to do everything myself. Too bad I'm not 40 people with 80 hands. Or too bad time weren't more elastic.

I want to be an army of one. I want to ask the Japanese: is it worth it?

Aimee I must be remembering the community password wrong because it isnt letting me log in... email it to me or PM me or something? And why exactly am I taking over the community, come to think of it... I'm on livejournal 90% less than you are and just had to get rid of one of my own communities because of it!! lol

PS I'm sending you the money order for Luminaery and your christmas presents Monday (if all goes well).

It's so wrong that so much of the country got so much snow and ice and such, and we got none. *points and laughs* Welcome to Backwards Universe.

Oh wait... I probably shouldn't laugh at that, since people died....

I started learning Japanese! The tapes say Learn in 6 weeks, but in three weeks I have to take it back to the library and in one week I start classes so I'm not sure about that.

I will say this though: Japanese makes a lot more sense than english, and sounds nicer. But the forms of address are a bit confusing, of course. A cleaner language too. No room for muttering or lazyness. In english, 'father' and 'faaather' both mean father. In Japanese, it would mean 'father' and 'pincushion', or 'mexican omlette', or something.

I have stuck in my head: the Welcome Christmas song that the whos sing.

Sleeping

I had a dream involving you, a bookstore, a bed, and a lot of pillows.

A few nights ago I dreamt that the vampires were after people with green eyes. You were one of the vampires. You were all after Marc so I diverted you so he could get away. We all ended up at a fancy restaurant and then I woke up.

I dreamt the night after that my nostrils collapsed. That one was kind of scary.

Waking

I START SCHOOL IN EXACTLY ONE WEEK!!! *unnerved* Marc and I had hoped to stay someplace in Bangor or Brewer but we can't find anyplace cheap enough :( Looks like he's going to have to drive me all the way up there everyday. I still am not sure how I'll get home on the nights he works. Hm.

NOW I remember why I liked PAID livejournal. It's not because of the cool layout you can customize and make yourself, or the shorter url, or even the extra icons.

IT'S BECAUSE IT DOESNT FUCKING WORK IF YOU DON'T PAY.

Or maybe I just have incredibly, unbelievably, improbably, statistically-impossible bad luck.

What is it about the holiday season that turns certain people into complete bitches (yes, bitch is a non-gender-specific term in my book)? They get so easily pissed-off and just your very existance can be bothersome to at least someone. You can do no right by these people. If you stand off to the side of an aisle, that's the side they want to push their cart through. If they are standing smack in the middle of the aisle and you want to go through, you are rude and inconveniencing them. If you ask too politely you aren't being assertive enough. If you ask too loudly you are rude. If you laugh you are an obnoxious young person. If you smile at their kids you are a pedophile. If you smile at them you are creepy, and they avoid your gaze. If you pause at anything you are too slow and holding everyone else up. If you are too fast you are too rushed and think what you are doing is more important than everyone else. If you are cheerful you are annoying. Everyone has some problem with you.

I understand it's a stressful time of year, but how does a calendar decide that this is the time of the year that it's ok for you to take out your frustrations on everyone else? Like the days leading up to Christmas give everyone an excuse to act like assholes. I'm confused as to how exactly this honors Christ....

I don't think we've progressed much since the Inquisition. Christmas season is some sort of mob mentality holiday.